I miss my child. I miss her energy, cuddles, jokes, being part of her everyday and sharing the ordinary things like unpacking the groceries or a chatter as I cook dinner. What price we pay for this opportunity? Who knows...only time will tell.
Its made me think of why parents would go to such lengths to secure the best for their children...I guess its because ultimately...its that innate primal drive of the gene pool's survival...equipping our own offspring with the best chances we can to tackle the waves of life...just like little baby turtles scramble across the obstacle course of the beach to make it to the water before the sun or the birds of prey get to them....and once there, facing an entirely different environment with a whole heap of fresh challenges...sharks, seagulls, fisherman
...I feel like a mama turtle...quite far removed from helping my little hatchling, though I guess I have the technology advantage of at least being able to coach her by phone on a daily basis.
But even then...I cant tell her...my darling, i miss you so much...because we will both be in tears! I have to play strong...encourage, build up, nurture, be firm and soft and understanding and sympathetic all at once, help create the vision of what this is all for, put the infrastructure in place for the picture that she must paint on the canvas of her own life.
We have never really dealt with bullies at school before, so it comes as a bit of a shock to us both to encounter girl bullies, and through my child, I am reliving snatches of my own transition to a high school away from where all my peer group went. We are both strong leaders, slightly irreverent and uncompromising-after all, the apple does not fall far from the tree-and the funny thing is...you have to be learn to BOTH adapt, yet remain yourself!
As I mentor her...I am reflecting on and drawing so much on leadership studies and realise...the path of a leader is often a lonely one. One that is thrust upon you by fate, and you can no sooner hide it than fake it. Its simply there! You are who you are!
Analyse any human emotion, and you are sure to discover somewhere the primal impulse, to which life owes its perpetuation. ... The primitive stages can always be re-established; the primitive mind is, in the fullest meaning of the word, imperishable. ... Mans most disagreeable habits and idiosyncrasies, his deceit, his cowardice, his lack of reverence, are engendered by his incomplete adjustment to a complicated civilisation. It is the result of the conflict between our instincts and our culture. (Sigmund Freud)