On parenting...the first of many!

I miss my child. I miss her energy, cuddles, jokes, being part of her everyday and sharing the ordinary things like unpacking the groceries or a chatter as I cook dinner. What price we pay for this opportunity? Who knows...only time will tell.

Its made me think of why parents would go to such lengths to secure the best for their children...I guess its because ultimately...its that innate primal drive of the gene pool's survival...equipping our own offspring with the best chances we can to tackle the waves of life...just like little baby turtles scramble across the obstacle course of the beach to make it to the water before the sun or the birds of prey get to them....and once there, facing an entirely different environment with a whole heap of fresh challenges...sharks, seagulls, fisherman

...I feel like a mama turtle...quite far removed from helping my little hatchling, though I guess I have the technology advantage of at least being able to coach her by phone on a daily basis.

But even then...I cant tell her...my darling, i miss you so much...because we will both be in tears! I have to play strong...encourage, build up, nurture, be firm and soft and understanding and sympathetic all at once, help create the vision of what this is all for, put the infrastructure in place for the picture that she must paint on the canvas of her own life.

We have never really dealt with bullies at school before, so it comes as a bit of a shock to us both to encounter girl bullies, and through my child, I am reliving snatches of my own transition to a high school away from where all my peer group went. We are both strong leaders, slightly irreverent and uncompromising-after all, the apple does not fall far from the tree-and the funny thing is...you have to be learn to BOTH adapt, yet remain yourself!

As I mentor her...I am reflecting on and drawing so much on leadership studies and realise...the path of a leader is often a lonely one. One that is thrust upon you by fate, and you can no sooner hide it than fake it. Its simply there! You are who you are!

Analyse any human emotion, and you are sure to discover somewhere the primal impulse, to which life owes its perpetuation. ... The primitive stages can always be re-established; the primitive mind is, in the fullest meaning of the word, imperishable. ... Mans most disagreeable habits and idiosyncrasies, his deceit, his cowardice, his lack of reverence, are engendered by his incomplete adjustment to a complicated civilisation. It is the result of the conflict between our instincts and our culture. (Sigmund Freud)

...and then there was one!

Two weeks ago, there were 37. Boxes that is. Bar one that's full of office stuff, everything now has its little place-albeit for some just temporary while I'm still "feeling" the place. With nothing on the floor, the luxuriousness of so much space tempts me to stick with the minimalist approach to decorating. My budget would love it too!

On the subject of minimalism....here's a giggle! Nudity can do strange things to otherwise normal people (sure you can imagine for yourself!), but it did a funny thing to me yesterday! Whilst undressing to take a shower after all the unpacking, the bathroom floor which I have been ignoring for the sake of my sanity, began yelling at me!

Now I don't have a cleaning obsession, having developed a counter-culture to a mother obsessed with scrubbing and cleaning...but there is something very disconcerting about inherited dirt! One's own seems much less objectionable!

Overpowered by an irrefutable urge to immediately rectify the situation, I sank to my knees, and began cleaning- a la French Maid style in just a few scraps of undies. That thought left a smile on my face and brought a whole new dimension to cleaning and scrubbing for me! When I laughed out loud, Cub2 came to investigate and demanded an explanation for the giggles and bizarre choice of scrubbing outfit - complete with elbow-length gloves! Some quick thinking about not mucking up your clothes with bleach and ammonia persuaded her of the practicality! One wonders when she grows up if she will continue the tradition?

I am of the generation of women who define themselves by their contribution to the economy, society and the tax office...not the state of the household they run. But there must be some primal nesting thing connected with this cleaning business, because last night as I was showing some guests who came to dinner around the apartment, I beamed from ear to ear when they remarked on how immaculate the bathroom was!

If only they knew!

Life's a beach!

The question is...when you already pack 36 hours of living into 24, how to squeeze and extra half an hour to regularly update your blog?

So dear blog, pardon me for relegating you to a lower priority these past few weeks while I was just holding onto my hair!

The BIG MOVE happened...all at break-neck speed...back broke too with the physical nature of lugging and hauling weighty stuff up and down either to the skip for turfing, or onto the pavement for the garage sale, or finally up 3 and a half flights of stairs to my new nest in the air.

Throughout all of it, I thought of many things to write about in my blog. One is about friendship. I was quite amazed by who came out of nowhere and offered help. Moving is one of the hardest things -physically and emotionally- one can do, rating after death and divorce as the highest stress factor in life. My heartfelt thanks to everyone who helped us in some form or another. I could NOT have got through this alone.

Although physically very hard, this was a happy move. From the darkness to the light. From lots of baggage to not enough! (Still have nothing to sit on!) From the cold to the warm. And warmer it sure is! About 3 degrees in winter and probably the reverse in summer due to the influence of the ocean.

Other than getting rid of furniture, linen, toys and excess of everything, I also threw out my wedding dress. As I tossed that cloud of white onto the back of a truck taking stuff off to the welfare bin, I had no pangs. No regrets. No feeling other than lightness and a sense of freedom and relief about letting go of all the past, and optimism about the future.

I haven't rushed into any major decisions to furnish the new place in spite of a few hours browsing the furniture stores. I have come to the conclusion that I am quite skilled at putting an outfit together but putting a room together is another story! Buying good lounge furniture is a long-term commitment and you have to love it every day for many many years- not unlike choosing someone for a relationship. Its worth taking your time!

Its early Saturday morning as I am writing this. I am still pinching myself at the good fortune of finding this apartment and acting on my intuition and pursuing it to conclusion. I have never lived anywhere quite so wonderful. The local area, shops and restaurants offer the rich tapestry of inner city living- a bit resembling a European lifestyle-with strolling distance to EVERYTHING, yet with a one street separation, is sufficiently removed to offer tranquility peace and calm where I am.

Last night, Cub 2 and I walked to the local pub where we had the best value for money meal in my history of living in Sydney- two 300 grams of perfectly cooked rare Porterhouse steaks (too much for us so the cat had steak for dinner too and agreed!), a glass of bubbles (juice for cub!) all for $24! The convivial atmosphere of the Waratahs game, the flirtatious winks of a few boys and the cheerful chatter of people at the next table were all an unexpected bonus!

Then we strolled to the best video shop - a new franchise specialising in award-winning foreign films and all-time greats and classics, where the owner and I plotted together an idea to create a social club for movie-lovers in the area. We hired 4 DVDs to keep 3 nights for $10! And everyone warned me that living here would be dearer...not so! So far, I have noticed better choices, better quality, and prices on par or in cases better than I enjoyed before. We also have a modern cinema showing the latest offerings within spitting distance on the aptly-named Spit Road, so the World's Fastest Indian(fabulous movie!) and Da Vinci Code (average) have already been consumed!

With the multi-media stuff now connected thanks to the generous help of a friend, my broadband on wireless and study "rigged", today is the day earmarked for unpacking the last of the boxes: my books! An exercise in love! Straight after I finish this and take a morning walk followed by a coffee and read of the Saturday papers down by the beach. Come and join me some morning!