Monday, June 19, 2006

Love is the Killer App

love. The one thing all humans need...and the thing that eludes most.

Found out yesterday that two tennis buddies had split up over the long weekend...after two years of seemingly sensational synergy.

They're a great match (sorry, not trying to play on tennis metaphors here!), they laugh together, socialise well, communicate well, etc. I thought they both had enough emotional awareness and maturity from their respective marriage break-ups some 4 years ago to handle anything! Survived the blending of his 3 boys with her 2 girls, dodged moody and greedy ex partners and difficult divorce settlements on both sides, juggled 8 grand-parents, excelled in dual professions and certainly enjoyed a healthy physical and tactile relationship after years in the desert! (Familiar pattern for many people I suspect!)

These two people love one another is evident to all of us who have watched them come together and fall in love. And, from experience too!, we also know that they're not going to find anyone "more fun" or "less complex" or sexier or "more together" out there. At their age, 47 and 46, there are few that aren't greying or balding or getting a bit flabbier or a bit "creased", and neither is there anyone undamaged or baggage-free from what has gone before...its often the path people have walked that make them more interesting in my view.

But notwithstanding that, these two people have strong chemistry...And thats the hardest thing to find. If the chemistry happens, you can work on the emotional compatibility stuff even though it can be slow-going, but it CAN grow, whereas sexual chemistry is an on-off switch in my belief!

I felt a bit the same after watching "The Break-Up"-which admittedly is about a younger and much more immature couple-but you have the same sense of frustration at their inability to put ego aside and work things out. Why is it so damn hard to say sorry, I screwed up? Sorry, I was too pushy, Sorry, I was insensitive? Is it harder to do this than to live with regrets for the next five years, perhaps forever? I think not.

Of course I don't really know the full story- who ever will...its their personal lives. I just hope if they struggle with ego and misunderstanding, that they will have the sense to get help. It can be so simple, and alleviate so much hurt and pain. The ability to forgive comes from the ability to know and understand. The ability to heal comes from telling where it hurts and why.

I am no shrink, but having lost someone and something special myself, I cant bear to see them throw it away. No-one is perfect, and because of that, we have all been given the capacity to choose, to learn, to forgive, to be patient, to understand, to communicate, to love.

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